On Hold

Have you ever been on an airplane that has to stay up in the air, circling your destination, while you look down, waiting to land, even catching a glimpse of the airport that, once you get there, will be the beginning of the next stage of your adventure? Most often when this happens, we as passengers are unaware of all of the reasons behind the delay. Only the pilot and those in air traffic control really understand the big picture. All we can do is trust them to do their jobs, keep us up there until it's safe to land, and land us before we run out of fuel.

Sometimes in life we find ourselves in that kind of holding pattern. Mark and I are there right now. We have put much of our lives on hold, including giving up returning to Albania this summer. That is the hardest part for me. We are waiting. We have no control over the timing or decisions of others. We don't have a glimpse behind the scenes or of the big picture. We have to trust.

Psalm 37:3-7a says, "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him"

To "be still" before the Lord here means "to let down the hands, cease striving". That's hard. God does not expect us to sit around our house begging Him to give us everything we desire with no effort on our part. He does, though, want us to do what we can in our own strength and then trust Him with the rest. That's where we are. We have done everything we can to the best of our abilities. Everything else in out of our control. We have to trust.

I want to say that's easy. I want to say that I've got this waiting thing all figured out. I want to say that I can sit back and trust fully. But I am scared. There's probably nothing in my life that I have wanted more than I do this thing. This morning in my prayer time I told the Lord that, in all honesty, I trust Him to do what's best for our family, as well as for the others involved. I just want more than anything for it to work out in our favor. Maybe that's selfish, but it's how I feel. I hope that my testimony during this time will be one of faithfulness in the waiting and a total trust in my Lord. But I will continue to pray for a "yes". This is my dream. I have to trust.