Not really. But lately it sure feels like it. One minute I am totally at peace and sure that things are going to work out exactly the way I want them to. Then I am depressed and imagining the worst case scenario. Then I am angry at the way things are right now and my inability to change it. Then I am fully surrendered to the Lord and committed to doing (with a good attitude, mind you), whatever He asks me to do. Sometimes those feelings all happen within 10 minutes of each other. Im glad this is situational and not permanent. Whew! I can't imagine feeling like this all the time.
Today is a pretty good day as far as all that goes. I have once again had to lay down my will and ask God to give me the desires of my heart. Not the things that I want, necessarily, but if what I want is not His will, that He would replace my desires with His. I have to do that daily, sometimes lots of times a day, because my desires are so strong right now. Is any of this making sense?
I really want to be led by His truth rather than by my feelings. When I am, the schizophrenia gives way to peace and joy and security. Today I commit to trying to focus on truth every time my feelings try to take over. Wish me luck.
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