So, if you read yesterday's note, you got a peak into the yuck that the Lord is working on clearing out of my life right now. While that note wasn't easy to write, it was much easier than this one. You see, that was about what goes on inside of me when my focus is on me and not the Lord. This one is about what comes out of me when I do that, and that is much, much worse.
Most of you reading this already know that I went to Wisconsin & Minnesota for a while this summer and woke up to find my van submerged in a parking-lot-turned-lake one morning. The truth is, although it was not an easy situation, I was able to handle the loss of the van pretty well. I got a little sad & cried some when I cleaned it out, but that was normal grief over letting go of something that held 8+ years of memories for me & my family. That van had been all over the country & witnessed many miles of both laughter & tears. It was where I worshipped & prayed, and it was my escape when I just had to get away. It brought my kids to church & school & soccer practice & gymnastics & a million other activities. Letting go of that was hard, but I honestly never felt for a moment that God was not in control or that He wouldn't make it right.
The problem came in two very specific things that happened during that time. Since I had never been in a situation like that, I just wanted someone to tell me what to do. John, my new friend from Progressive, did that for me. He was very calm & told me very clearly what was my responsibility & what was theirs. This was good. I can follow directions. (Really, I can ;) ) Those directions, though, never took into account that the horrible apartment managers had a contract with an evil towing company who would take my van away before the insurance company could get there. I didn't have $280 to get it back, and they told me they wouldn't let Progressive have it, either. It all worked out, but that was one of my two break downs. The other happened when they called to tell me the settlement offer and that I only had 72 hours left with the rental car. Just enough time to get back to Tennessee, but not enough to look for another vehicle, which, by the way, they were not giving me enough money to come close to purchasing. Remember, I didn't have $280 to pay the towing company, let alone thousands of dollars to buy a new car. The Lord also worked that out, too, of course, but in my mind it was another area that I had messed up.
There are reasons that these two things hit me harder than anything else. They prey on my "tapes" that tell me that I am stupid, I screw everything up, I will never be good enough. And they attack the area of money, which is my one freak out area (well, that & crickets & trains, but that's another story).
On top of those two things, the kids were out of sorts because they were sad & confused & scared about the whole thing. And we had been on vacation, back to Jackson for four days & then headed north. They were exhausted. And they were behaving horribly. All of them. Which fed into my feelings of inadequacy & failure as a mother. So, you take those three things, and you have the recipe for a perfect storm. And storm is what I ended up with.
I started hearing everything that people said, specifically my mom & my sister, through the filter of the tapes in my head. They would say something simple, just making conversation about the kids or a picnic or a game or whatever, and I heard them saying that I was a failure, I don't do anything right, I'm not a good mom, everyone else is more fun for my kids than me. Did they say any of that? No. Did they mean anything close to it? Absolutely not. But I responded to them as if they did. I got snappy & defensive and hurt the feelings of people I love deeply. Thankfully, they accepted my apology & tried to understand where I was coming from, as wrong as my perspective & focus were.
So how does this fit into the "It's Not About Me" category? Well, I think that's pretty obvious. In the areas that I believed that God would take care of everything & make it right, I could smile & laugh, even in the midst of grief & sadness. In the areas where I was focused on me, the areas I always struggle with, there was no way that I could do anything right. And taking it out on the people around me just made that worse. When I, when anyone, reacts to who we are, or who we think we are, in the flesh, we hurt ourselves, other people, and the witness of Christ.
You may want to know why I have taken the time to write these two notes that allow you to see this ugly area of my heart where I have so much work to do. The reason is that I don't believe I am the only one who struggles with a focus problem. I'm not the only one who, when I take my focus off of the Lord and make life all about me, hurts people. So, I want to encourage you to recognize when your focus is wrong, admit it, ask forgiveness, and cooperate with the Lord in refocusing your heart, mind & spirit on Him. As much as we can hurt the cause of Christ in reacting out of wrong focus, we can help it by admitting our mistakes, asking forgiveness & working to make it right. Won't you join me in the process?
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
It's Not About Me
I'm 37 years old, and I spent the first 34 years of my life trying to be who everyone wanted me to be. I tried to be extremely organized & focused on details, because that made me look responsible. I worked very hard at saying the right things, because that made me look smart. I feigned worry over natural disasters, world events, and tests or challenges that I faced, because if you don't worry, you don't care. Or so the world says. I pretended that I never got angry. That instead, I was just very sad when I or someone I cared about was hurt by another. That one I actually believed for a long time. Admitting you are angry when you have fought it for so long is not an easy task. And I pretended that nothing or nobody really mattered to me, somehow thinking that that would make it easier if I lost those things.
Sometime between my 33rd & 34th birthdays, something in me changed. The desire to become who God had created me to be, regardless of what other people thought, rose to the surface & began to boil. I admitted that I truly hate plans & routine & organization. I don't like lists or schedules. I like freedom & spontaneity & having the ability to change my mind. This took letting go of the need to look like I had it all together & could manage the world. I can't, and I have no desire to do so. I admitted that I worry very little about pretty much anything. This doesn't mean I don't care about things. It really doesn't. It just means that it's really ok to take things as they come & not have to be completely prepared or in control all the time. Needing to be in control removes the chance & change, and it bores me. I had to admit that I get angry at injustice. Really angry. And I had to learn to let go of anger over old offenses, forgive and move on, or that anger would continue to affect my relationships now & in the future. That was not easy to do, and is still something I have to consciously practice. But the most important change was admitting that there are people, places & things that matter to me. Deeply. And I have learned that losing those things doesn't hurt any more when you love passionately. The hurt of loss is the same, but the joy while you have that is infinitely greater when you allow yourself to love.
The lesson the Lord has been working on for a while now is that it is not all about me. Mostly that comes out in the fear of screwing everything up, not being liked or accepted, or never being good enough. Did you know that God can use Facebook to convict us and correct us and move us in the direction He wants us to go? Well, that's what He's been doing with me. You see, I will post a status about something that I think is funny, or ridiculous, or reveals something stupid I've done, or is meant to help friends who are struggling in certain areas, or whatever else. And then people will comment in ways that suggest that I am worried or hurt or frustrated or angry or whatever. The hair on my neck will rise, and I feel the need to defend myself. I want to scream, "Don't you know that this is an area that God has already changed in me?" "Will you never let me live changed?" "You have no idea who I really am, do you?" Notice a pattern? It's all about me. It's all about what I am afraid people do, or will, see in me because of these responses.
This week, God had enough of that attitude. You know what that's like-when God has had enough. The Holy Spirit begins to stir your heart, and you feel really uncomfortable. You can't remain the same, think the same, have the same attitude, and still be in obedience to the Lord. He expects something of you. And this week He revealed to me that the responses of others stem from the way they see the world. If they perceive worry, or anger, or frustration, or the need for control, or whatever, that is a heart issue for them. And as their friend, as someone who cares about their heart, my response should never be to react in anger or to defend myself. My response should be to pray for them. The flip side of that is also true. If they respond with words of encouragement, of joy, of confrontation when necessary, of humor, whatever, my response should be to thank the Lord, and them, for their friendship & their willingness to be used by Him in either uplifting or correcting me. You can see I need lots of correction at times. (Hopefully that is improving...)
Obviously I have not achieved the goal of living in all things like it is not about me. But He's working on that, and I intend to cooperate with the Spirit's leading. You now have permission to remind me when I forget :)
Sometime between my 33rd & 34th birthdays, something in me changed. The desire to become who God had created me to be, regardless of what other people thought, rose to the surface & began to boil. I admitted that I truly hate plans & routine & organization. I don't like lists or schedules. I like freedom & spontaneity & having the ability to change my mind. This took letting go of the need to look like I had it all together & could manage the world. I can't, and I have no desire to do so. I admitted that I worry very little about pretty much anything. This doesn't mean I don't care about things. It really doesn't. It just means that it's really ok to take things as they come & not have to be completely prepared or in control all the time. Needing to be in control removes the chance & change, and it bores me. I had to admit that I get angry at injustice. Really angry. And I had to learn to let go of anger over old offenses, forgive and move on, or that anger would continue to affect my relationships now & in the future. That was not easy to do, and is still something I have to consciously practice. But the most important change was admitting that there are people, places & things that matter to me. Deeply. And I have learned that losing those things doesn't hurt any more when you love passionately. The hurt of loss is the same, but the joy while you have that is infinitely greater when you allow yourself to love.
The lesson the Lord has been working on for a while now is that it is not all about me. Mostly that comes out in the fear of screwing everything up, not being liked or accepted, or never being good enough. Did you know that God can use Facebook to convict us and correct us and move us in the direction He wants us to go? Well, that's what He's been doing with me. You see, I will post a status about something that I think is funny, or ridiculous, or reveals something stupid I've done, or is meant to help friends who are struggling in certain areas, or whatever else. And then people will comment in ways that suggest that I am worried or hurt or frustrated or angry or whatever. The hair on my neck will rise, and I feel the need to defend myself. I want to scream, "Don't you know that this is an area that God has already changed in me?" "Will you never let me live changed?" "You have no idea who I really am, do you?" Notice a pattern? It's all about me. It's all about what I am afraid people do, or will, see in me because of these responses.
This week, God had enough of that attitude. You know what that's like-when God has had enough. The Holy Spirit begins to stir your heart, and you feel really uncomfortable. You can't remain the same, think the same, have the same attitude, and still be in obedience to the Lord. He expects something of you. And this week He revealed to me that the responses of others stem from the way they see the world. If they perceive worry, or anger, or frustration, or the need for control, or whatever, that is a heart issue for them. And as their friend, as someone who cares about their heart, my response should never be to react in anger or to defend myself. My response should be to pray for them. The flip side of that is also true. If they respond with words of encouragement, of joy, of confrontation when necessary, of humor, whatever, my response should be to thank the Lord, and them, for their friendship & their willingness to be used by Him in either uplifting or correcting me. You can see I need lots of correction at times. (Hopefully that is improving...)
Obviously I have not achieved the goal of living in all things like it is not about me. But He's working on that, and I intend to cooperate with the Spirit's leading. You now have permission to remind me when I forget :)
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Things I Learned as a Church Visitor
This post has been rolling around my head for a week, and I thought I'd better actually write it down before going back to my church in the morning and forgetting everything I want to say. Last Sunday, Meg Rushing & I took Carol Headen to Nashville to catch her flight to Sydney, Australia, and then had what turned into 10 hours to kill before the Wright's got here from Albania. Lisa Rushing texted us on the way to Nashville & suggested that we try out CrossPoint Church, since they had a service at 1 PM. She & Wayne had visited there once & they thought we'd be fine in our shorts & t-shirts. After having served in the nursery the week before, I was excited about not having to miss a second week of church. Meg wanted to go, too, so we headed over there. After a small detour issue, we found the church & headed inside. I made a lot of observations and learned a few things.
First, if you have been a church employee or involved in church leadership for any length of time, you make a horrible church visitor. You start paying attention to things as soon as you get out of the car: Are the sidewalks clean? Is the landscaping attractive? (Ok, I didn't even look at that, but I had to throw it in for Chuck :) ) Where are the greeters stationed? Are they friendly? How do they do their jobs? What kind of coffee/fellowship area do they have? How do they promote their small groups? Do they make you want to get involved in a group? How do the church members act toward each other? Toward visitors? What's the make up of the worship team? How is the technical production? Do they take up an offering? How? How & when do they do announcements? What is their mission focus? Oh, and very importantly, where are the bathrooms? That, but the way, was the first & only question we actually asked. For the record, they were conveniently located next to the auditorium.
Needless to say, I found myself focused on a lot of details that a first time visitor may not care about, which meant that I needed to get refocused on worship. Once the music started, though, that didn't take long. The band was amazing, and, even though their service is broadcast on tv, or at least the internet (I'm not exactly sure which), it never felt like they were trying to draw attention to themselves. I felt drawn into worship in a way that I haven't experienced in a long time, even when there were no words being sung. For the first time in a long time I wasn't just waiting for the sermon to start, and actually found myself wanting the music to go a bit longer. Don't get me wrong, I love music, & worship that way on my own multiple times a day. It's just that my favorite part of corporate worship is almost always the sermon, and I get impatient to get to it. But I digress. During the music I learned that, even in a big church with a huge stage production, the tech team may still put the wrong words on the screen once (or maybe even three) times. That should be an encouragement to our tech team :)
Third, I realized that it's pretty fun to figure out that you are in a "cool people" church. See, when Lisa told us about Cross Point, I thought the name sounded familiar. Then the pastor came out carrying a round table. I knew right then this was Jon Acuff's church. He had just blogged the week before that, “They’ve got Pete Wilson behind the small round table.” I think Jon Acuff is one of the coolest people out there. When I realized I was at his church, I suddenly felt pretty cool myself :)
The fourth thing I learned was that relationships really do matter when it comes to truly hearing the Word from someone. Most of the time when I am at church, because of the relationship I have with the person coming out to give the message, I find myself immediately prepared to listen and receive whatever message they have to bring. Not that men are infallible & that we don't need to know the Word ourselves to be sure the message is true, but when you know & trust the heart of the messenger, it is easier to readily receive it. At this new church, I found myself sitting back for a few minutes, evaluating this man, his mannerisms & attitude, his connection with the audience, and his humility level before deciding that I could trust his message. While this may not necessarily be right, I think it's a somewhat natural response. I really liked the pastor a lot, and he caused me to think in a new way about the Beattitudes, which is a pretty common passage of scripture. My only disappointment was that it was so short. I had just gotten into the message and was excited for more, and it was over.
The last thing that I learned was that it really is good to go and visit a new church every once in a while, especially in a different city & setting. It gives you a fresh perspective on ministry, mission, & presentation. It gets you out of your box and gives you an opportunity to develop new ideas for your church & ministry. It also makes you thankful for the blessing you have in your friends & family at your home church. I never realized how much I KNOW about my church family that I cannot know in a different place. It was impossible to judge the friendliness of the church, because we had no idea who was a member & who was a visitor. As we looked around the auditorium, I did not know who to go to if I had a question about anything or who was connected to whom. I didn't know who was in a small group or who led them. I didn't have any idea who I would talk to if I wanted more information or would have wanted to be more involved. I didn't know anything about any of the people, their families, their struggles, their hurts or their joys. There was no one to check in with after church to see how they were doing or if they needed anything. There was no way of knowing who might make a good friend. Although there was a great sense of connection with the Lord during the service, there was a great disconnect with the people in the room. It was a lonely feeling, and it made me more aware of what visitors to our church must be feeling. I can go to church tomorrow with a renewed heart for helping to connect them to both God & other people. They need that. And last week I got a taste of just how much.
If you are ever in Nashville, I would highly recommend Cross Point Church. They have 5 services every Sunday, so you have no excuse. But I have to say that I am thankful that tomorrow morning I get to return to worship with my family at Northbrook, with my perspective slightly (and hopefully for the better) changed.
First, if you have been a church employee or involved in church leadership for any length of time, you make a horrible church visitor. You start paying attention to things as soon as you get out of the car: Are the sidewalks clean? Is the landscaping attractive? (Ok, I didn't even look at that, but I had to throw it in for Chuck :) ) Where are the greeters stationed? Are they friendly? How do they do their jobs? What kind of coffee/fellowship area do they have? How do they promote their small groups? Do they make you want to get involved in a group? How do the church members act toward each other? Toward visitors? What's the make up of the worship team? How is the technical production? Do they take up an offering? How? How & when do they do announcements? What is their mission focus? Oh, and very importantly, where are the bathrooms? That, but the way, was the first & only question we actually asked. For the record, they were conveniently located next to the auditorium.
Needless to say, I found myself focused on a lot of details that a first time visitor may not care about, which meant that I needed to get refocused on worship. Once the music started, though, that didn't take long. The band was amazing, and, even though their service is broadcast on tv, or at least the internet (I'm not exactly sure which), it never felt like they were trying to draw attention to themselves. I felt drawn into worship in a way that I haven't experienced in a long time, even when there were no words being sung. For the first time in a long time I wasn't just waiting for the sermon to start, and actually found myself wanting the music to go a bit longer. Don't get me wrong, I love music, & worship that way on my own multiple times a day. It's just that my favorite part of corporate worship is almost always the sermon, and I get impatient to get to it. But I digress. During the music I learned that, even in a big church with a huge stage production, the tech team may still put the wrong words on the screen once (or maybe even three) times. That should be an encouragement to our tech team :)
Third, I realized that it's pretty fun to figure out that you are in a "cool people" church. See, when Lisa told us about Cross Point, I thought the name sounded familiar. Then the pastor came out carrying a round table. I knew right then this was Jon Acuff's church. He had just blogged the week before that, “They’ve got Pete Wilson behind the small round table.” I think Jon Acuff is one of the coolest people out there. When I realized I was at his church, I suddenly felt pretty cool myself :)
The fourth thing I learned was that relationships really do matter when it comes to truly hearing the Word from someone. Most of the time when I am at church, because of the relationship I have with the person coming out to give the message, I find myself immediately prepared to listen and receive whatever message they have to bring. Not that men are infallible & that we don't need to know the Word ourselves to be sure the message is true, but when you know & trust the heart of the messenger, it is easier to readily receive it. At this new church, I found myself sitting back for a few minutes, evaluating this man, his mannerisms & attitude, his connection with the audience, and his humility level before deciding that I could trust his message. While this may not necessarily be right, I think it's a somewhat natural response. I really liked the pastor a lot, and he caused me to think in a new way about the Beattitudes, which is a pretty common passage of scripture. My only disappointment was that it was so short. I had just gotten into the message and was excited for more, and it was over.
The last thing that I learned was that it really is good to go and visit a new church every once in a while, especially in a different city & setting. It gives you a fresh perspective on ministry, mission, & presentation. It gets you out of your box and gives you an opportunity to develop new ideas for your church & ministry. It also makes you thankful for the blessing you have in your friends & family at your home church. I never realized how much I KNOW about my church family that I cannot know in a different place. It was impossible to judge the friendliness of the church, because we had no idea who was a member & who was a visitor. As we looked around the auditorium, I did not know who to go to if I had a question about anything or who was connected to whom. I didn't know who was in a small group or who led them. I didn't have any idea who I would talk to if I wanted more information or would have wanted to be more involved. I didn't know anything about any of the people, their families, their struggles, their hurts or their joys. There was no one to check in with after church to see how they were doing or if they needed anything. There was no way of knowing who might make a good friend. Although there was a great sense of connection with the Lord during the service, there was a great disconnect with the people in the room. It was a lonely feeling, and it made me more aware of what visitors to our church must be feeling. I can go to church tomorrow with a renewed heart for helping to connect them to both God & other people. They need that. And last week I got a taste of just how much.
If you are ever in Nashville, I would highly recommend Cross Point Church. They have 5 services every Sunday, so you have no excuse. But I have to say that I am thankful that tomorrow morning I get to return to worship with my family at Northbrook, with my perspective slightly (and hopefully for the better) changed.
Monday, May 16, 2011
No Man Can Hinder Me
It's been quite a while since I've written, and I've realized something. It seems like I tend to write only when I have screwed up or learned a lesson about things in my life that need to change. At least I can say I have a teachable, moldable heart? That's a good thing, since I seem to make more mistakes than most. This post is no exception to the rule, I'll tell you that right now.
Our church is in the second quarter of the Big Story. For those of you who don't know what that is, we are all reading the entire Bible chronologically this year in order to see the big picture of the scriptures. In a way it's hard, because I like to take time to see the little details. On the other hand, though, it is really cool to sit back & see God's hand weaving His story of redemption from the very beginning. It has also been very exciting to see how the Lord has begun to open the eyes of individuals and show them how they fit into His story as well. There have been a lot of things that have hit me very personally through this process. The truth is, I haven't written at all this year because those things are a bit too personal to share. And some of them are even going to take quite a bit more thought & processing time.
There is one thing, though, that has hit me full force in the past few weeks. It is something that needs to be changed immediately. I am not what most people would call a people pleaser in the normal sense of the word. In fact, if I feel like there is something I HAVE to do in order to be accepted or liked, I generally intentionally avoid that thing. It's the, "I don't have to prove anything to you," kind of attitude that is not necessarily a good thing. That old chip on my shoulder that God will probably still be whittling away at when I show up at Heaven's gate. Sometimes He takes a big chunk out of it, and that's painful. Maybe one of these days I'll learn my lesson & just throw it away. But I digress...
The opposite of that kind of people pleasing is very true of me, though. If there are things inside of me-opinions, feelings, ideas, stories, etc.-that I know will result in rejection, I keep them inside. I'm not talking about mean, ugly hateful things that don't need to come out. I'm talking about good, Godly, God-given things that He put inside of me to make me who I am.
I'm not one to jump on the "book bandwagon". You know, when a book comes out that becomes a sudden hit and everyone wants to read it & follow it, and expects everyone else to do the same or be deemed not cool or not a good enough Christian. That is why this spring has been a weird time for me. A friend suggested the book, "Chasing the Wild Goose" by Mark Batterson. I have read it twice. This week I finished another of his books, "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day". When I had originally read the chapter headings of that one, I rejected it. I thought I was already willing to take any risk God asked me to take, so why read the book. Then, during the course of the Big Story, we read about Benaiah in the pit with the lion on a snowy day. So, I just had to go get that book :) As I read it I realized that if I say something that is totally innocent, yet someone takes offense, or if I share a dream or an idea and someone laughs, I will beat myself up for years and step back inside of myself again. I don't take risks with my heart, my dreams & my ideas because they might possibly offend someone or make them uncomfortable. I put the opinions of a few people ahead of the desire & leading of God. And that does not please the Lord. Not at all.
So many times my kids are part of what convicts me as well. Lynnea is in the gospel choir ather school. In almost every concert they sing the song, "No Man Can Hinder Me". This week I heard them sing it on Thursday & tonight. The Lord used that to show me the same lesson in a different way-I am allowing people to hinder me from the freedom of being who He created me to be and doing what He created me to do.
So here are some thoughts that are somewhat painful, but, if they helped me, they might help you, too.
-There are some people who will hold your past over your head until they die. They will never forgive you, and they will hear everything you say & see everything you do through the lens of who you used to be. There is nothing you can do about that. But their lack of forgiveness in no way hinders God from forgiving you.
-There are some groups that you will never be able to truly fit into because one or more of those people has something against you. This can be your past, but it can also be jealousy, bitterness, a rejection of your dream, or an inability to see potential in you. There is nothing you can do about that. But their rejection in no way hinders the value God sees in you, because He put it there.
-There are people who will laugh at your dreams & visions. They may be jealous because they don't have dreams of their own. They may not be able to see God in the vision, because He gave it to you, not them. The realization of your dream may affect their life in what they perceive as a negative way. There is nothing you can do about that. But their inability or unwillingness to support or encourage you can in no way hinder the Lord from fulfilling His desire & plan for your life. If He put it there, He will make it happen. His promises are not affected by the opinions of people.
There are so many things that can hold you back from your dreams, from taking a risk for the Lord. Most of those are things you can do nothing about. So, it really all comes down to focus. Who and what are you focusing on? If your spiritual & emotional focus is on the Lord, your heart is focused on seeking Him first, and your effort is focused on obeying Him fully, He will realize the dream He put in your heart and the purpose He has for your life. As Mark Batterson says, "God is much more concerned about getting you where He wants you to be than you are about getting where He wants you to go." (And yes, I am going to order his other two books, too :) ) If your focus, though, is on the pessimists, the naysayers, the intentionally hurtful & hateful, you will never accomplish anything. And if I never accomplish anything for God, it will be because I let a few people, who should never be given permission to speak into my life, turn my focus from the One who deserves it. I have spent too many years allowing that to happen, and I will not do it anymore. No man can hinder me!
Our church is in the second quarter of the Big Story. For those of you who don't know what that is, we are all reading the entire Bible chronologically this year in order to see the big picture of the scriptures. In a way it's hard, because I like to take time to see the little details. On the other hand, though, it is really cool to sit back & see God's hand weaving His story of redemption from the very beginning. It has also been very exciting to see how the Lord has begun to open the eyes of individuals and show them how they fit into His story as well. There have been a lot of things that have hit me very personally through this process. The truth is, I haven't written at all this year because those things are a bit too personal to share. And some of them are even going to take quite a bit more thought & processing time.
There is one thing, though, that has hit me full force in the past few weeks. It is something that needs to be changed immediately. I am not what most people would call a people pleaser in the normal sense of the word. In fact, if I feel like there is something I HAVE to do in order to be accepted or liked, I generally intentionally avoid that thing. It's the, "I don't have to prove anything to you," kind of attitude that is not necessarily a good thing. That old chip on my shoulder that God will probably still be whittling away at when I show up at Heaven's gate. Sometimes He takes a big chunk out of it, and that's painful. Maybe one of these days I'll learn my lesson & just throw it away. But I digress...
The opposite of that kind of people pleasing is very true of me, though. If there are things inside of me-opinions, feelings, ideas, stories, etc.-that I know will result in rejection, I keep them inside. I'm not talking about mean, ugly hateful things that don't need to come out. I'm talking about good, Godly, God-given things that He put inside of me to make me who I am.
I'm not one to jump on the "book bandwagon". You know, when a book comes out that becomes a sudden hit and everyone wants to read it & follow it, and expects everyone else to do the same or be deemed not cool or not a good enough Christian. That is why this spring has been a weird time for me. A friend suggested the book, "Chasing the Wild Goose" by Mark Batterson. I have read it twice. This week I finished another of his books, "In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day". When I had originally read the chapter headings of that one, I rejected it. I thought I was already willing to take any risk God asked me to take, so why read the book. Then, during the course of the Big Story, we read about Benaiah in the pit with the lion on a snowy day. So, I just had to go get that book :) As I read it I realized that if I say something that is totally innocent, yet someone takes offense, or if I share a dream or an idea and someone laughs, I will beat myself up for years and step back inside of myself again. I don't take risks with my heart, my dreams & my ideas because they might possibly offend someone or make them uncomfortable. I put the opinions of a few people ahead of the desire & leading of God. And that does not please the Lord. Not at all.
So many times my kids are part of what convicts me as well. Lynnea is in the gospel choir ather school. In almost every concert they sing the song, "No Man Can Hinder Me". This week I heard them sing it on Thursday & tonight. The Lord used that to show me the same lesson in a different way-I am allowing people to hinder me from the freedom of being who He created me to be and doing what He created me to do.
So here are some thoughts that are somewhat painful, but, if they helped me, they might help you, too.
-There are some people who will hold your past over your head until they die. They will never forgive you, and they will hear everything you say & see everything you do through the lens of who you used to be. There is nothing you can do about that. But their lack of forgiveness in no way hinders God from forgiving you.
-There are some groups that you will never be able to truly fit into because one or more of those people has something against you. This can be your past, but it can also be jealousy, bitterness, a rejection of your dream, or an inability to see potential in you. There is nothing you can do about that. But their rejection in no way hinders the value God sees in you, because He put it there.
-There are people who will laugh at your dreams & visions. They may be jealous because they don't have dreams of their own. They may not be able to see God in the vision, because He gave it to you, not them. The realization of your dream may affect their life in what they perceive as a negative way. There is nothing you can do about that. But their inability or unwillingness to support or encourage you can in no way hinder the Lord from fulfilling His desire & plan for your life. If He put it there, He will make it happen. His promises are not affected by the opinions of people.
There are so many things that can hold you back from your dreams, from taking a risk for the Lord. Most of those are things you can do nothing about. So, it really all comes down to focus. Who and what are you focusing on? If your spiritual & emotional focus is on the Lord, your heart is focused on seeking Him first, and your effort is focused on obeying Him fully, He will realize the dream He put in your heart and the purpose He has for your life. As Mark Batterson says, "God is much more concerned about getting you where He wants you to be than you are about getting where He wants you to go." (And yes, I am going to order his other two books, too :) ) If your focus, though, is on the pessimists, the naysayers, the intentionally hurtful & hateful, you will never accomplish anything. And if I never accomplish anything for God, it will be because I let a few people, who should never be given permission to speak into my life, turn my focus from the One who deserves it. I have spent too many years allowing that to happen, and I will not do it anymore. No man can hinder me!
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