In My Own Strength

If you know me at all, you know that I have the most wonderful family and church family anyone could ever ask for. I love them all very deeply, and the Lord has used them in many ways to heal my heart. Because of them, I have been able to not only accept our geographical location, but to also begin to embrace it and serve excitedly. Over the past month, though, I had some major setbacks in that area and could not understand why. Through a lot of prayer and soul-searching, I believe that I know what I did to cause that.

Things have gotten much better over the past year or so. When we went to Albania in July, I was excited to share my story about how the Lord has worked and who He has brought into my life. I wanted to tell of God's faithfulness to someone as undeserving as me. On our last day there, I had the opportunity to do just that.

In preparation for that time, though, I never considered needing God's strength to do it. I asked for His words and His wisdom, but never His strength. I could see only how well I had been doing and feeling, and did not take into consideration the old feelings my story would bring up. Because it was our last day, it came right before I had 24 hours on airplanes to sit and think.

Then, when I got back, I got into a car for over 36 hours to get the kids from Wisconsin, and followed that with a trip home for my grandma's funeral. All of the travel combined kept me away from Northbrook for 5 weeks. Therefore, I had time to dwell on the old feelings without ever being in a place to be reminded of where God has brought me and who He has put with me. I was weak, tired and thinking on the wrong things-the old things.

God says in 1 Peter 4:10-11, "Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." (italics emphasis mine)

In all we do, we need to do it in His strength, so that in all of it, He may be praised. I forgot I needed His strength, and I suffered the setback because of it. I am thankful even more for the loving support of my family & church family, for the time to recover and be refreshed, and for a God who renews my strength when it is gone.