The Wonder Years

Tonight I have been on a Wonder Years kick-spending way too much time reading quotes & looking at pictures. In all of that, I have come to the conclusion that every girl (no matter how old) wants to be loved like Kevin loved Winnie. So here's my tribute to the relationship that shaped the way girls who grew up in the 80's dream of being loved. These are quotes by Kevin about Winnie or things that he said to her. Basically, they all say, "I love you."

"All our young lives we search for someone to love, someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope all the while wondering if somewhere and somehow there is someone searching for us."

Who could ever forget this scene? I even remember crying with Winnie.

KEVIN: Winnie, you know I don't get you!! One minute you like me, the next you don't. You've been doing this all year. First you kiss me, then you act like you don't like me. If you like me, fine, if you don't, quit acting like it!!
KEVIN: I just have to know if you like me or not. And don't give any of that "like me" like me stuff.
NARRATOR: Well, that was it: a straightforward, face-to-face, yes-or-no question. And I was going to stand there until I got my answer.
WINNIE: I don't know.
KEVIN: "I don't know"! What do you mean you don't know?
WINNIE: I mean I don't know. I really don't know. [On the verge of tears] I wish everyone would just leave me alone. I don't know what I'm doing.
NARRATOR: This was something new. I mean, I always figured girls knew exactly what they wanted. They knew; they had a plan. Or maybe they didn't.
NARRATOR: Maybe they were just as confused as we were. Isn't that great?
NARRATOR: It--it's horrible. They don't know either. That means nobody knows.
KEVIN: You mean you really don't know?
WINNIE: No.
KEVIN: Oh.
KEVIN: Well, I'm sorry.
WINNIE: What for?
KEVIN: I don't know.
NARRATOR: As I stood there that cold night, I realized for the first time in a long time that Winnie and I were feeling the same thing.

"I stood there, my heart in my hand. It was time to give it to it's rightful owner."

"Love makes you do funny things. It makes you proud. It makes you sorry. That night we talked. About life. About our times together. Maybe we weren't the same two kids we had once been. But some things never change. Some things last. And even though I didn't know what was going to happen to us, or where we were going. I just knew I couldn't let her out of my life."

"There are things in life that matter, things in the past that can't be denied. Winnie Cooper is part of me, and I am part of her. And for as long as I live, I will never ever let her go."

"Once upon a time there was a girl I knew, who lived across the street. Brown hair, brown eyes. When she smiled, I smiled. When she cried, I cried. Every single thing that ever happened to me that mattered, in some way had to do with her. That day Winnie and I promised each other that no matter what, that we'd always be together. It was a promise full of passion and truth and wisdom. It was the kind of promise that can only come from the hearts of the very young."~The last episode

Some Fun Christmas Observations

I thought I'd lighten up my blog and post some fun observations from this Christmas break. Some of these are things I already knew, but they came up again this week. Therefore, they are included here. I wold also love to hear some of the things you have learned from your holiday and family gatherings. Just remember: we are having fun here, so be nice!

1. It is much easier to wait to open your own presents than it is to wait to give other people what you've wrapped up for them.

2. There comes a time when you really wish your kids would admit they don't believe in Santa anymore.

3. Being able to help someone who would not have been able to do so otherwise give their kids a happy Christmas is one of the greatest blessings. Watching your kids be part of that is even better.

4. I get to swim with dolphins in February!!! Another thing to cross off my bucket list :)

5. When you decide to use your brand new toaster oven, remove the plastic bag with hamburger buns from on top of it. If you don't, the bottom of the plastic bag will be tattooed to the top of the oven.

6. You can actually cook raw hamburgers completely in the microwave, and no one will die of food poisoning.

7. If you wear cowboy boots with red plaid flannel pants, blue & green argyle socks and a maroon & gold bulldog jacket, you will get laughed at.

8. If you are a parent who takes a gazillion pictures, and you give your child a camera, they will also take a gazillion pictures.

9. If you cannot throw a frisbee in real life, you will not do well at frisbee golf on the wii, either.

10. Even if I win, I do not like games that I can't understand HOW they work. If I can't do well on purpose, it's just luck, and that doesn't count.

11. Kid noise is much easier to handle when the adults are quiet and the dogs are outside.

12. Trampolines are MUCH more fun to jump on than to put together.

13. We were required to take home ec in school because they knew we would need to put a trampoline net up one day. Who knew learning to sew would come in handy outside in 30 degree temps?

14. Antiques neatly decorating a house are beautiful, but the chaos in an antique store can make your head swim.

15. Little girls really cannot go more than 4 days without seeing their friends and having a sleepover.

16. If you have, at any time, waved a knife in your child's direction, even unintentionally, and/or lost that same child while they were sitting in your lap, you will never hear the end of it at family gatherings.

17. The older your children get, the more delight they get from pointing out the stupid things you have said and done.

18. There are certain people who, no matter where you are, what you are doing or who you are with, are never far from your heart and mind.

Priority Versus Option

One of my Facebook friends posted this quote as her status the other day: "Never make someone your priority while allowing yourself to be their option". My first reaction was to totally agree with that statement. I mean, who likes the feeling of pining or sacrificing for someone constantly while that person is just taking advantage of their heart and feelings. But, like pretty much everything else that catches my attention, I pondered that thought for a while. I think there is another side to it that we as Christians are actually called TO.

I am very glad that God did not apply that thought to me, to anyone, when choosing to provide a way of salvation for all. I am also glad that He doesn't apply that concept to me on a daily basis. Every day I make choices that place a higher priority on something or someone else than the Lord. I try not to most of the time, and sometimes I do it without even thinking. Many times it is something that is good in and of itself, but should never be given more attention than Him. But no matter where my heart or priorities are, even when He is an option to me on many days, I am always His priority. He always loves me. He is always working to change my heart, mind and spirit to bring them more in line with His. He is always providing opportunities for me to watch Him work in the world and lives around me, even when I can't see it.

He did the same thing for every single person you will ever meet, anywhere, at any time. If you know Him, it is your call, your mandate, to love them as He does-to make serving them and introducing them to Jesus your priority, even if you (or Him) are just an option to them. We are called to love when it's painful, when it is not returned, when it doesn't make sense. That is what He always has and always will do.

Jesus died for me while I was yet a sinner. He did the same for you, whoever you are. Even when He was not yet a thought, let alone an option, for us, He died for us. He loves, cares for and pursues us-first to win our hearts and then to give us real life. We are created by Him, saved by Him, and changed by Him. And we are always His priority. Will you make Him more than an option today?

Covenant Renewal

It is common for people to join a church, get their name on the roll, and be satisfied that they have met the requirements for church membership. Some even see this as a guarantee of salvation. One of the reasons I love Northbrook so much is that membership is viewed very differently. It is a commitment we take seriously. When you join Northbrook, it is not a forever or until you decide to join another church kind of deal. Every year we take time to evaluate where we are as a church as well as individually in ministry and mission. Tonight was our annual Covenant Renewal Celebration. It was such a special time of fellowship and family. We are a Baptist church, so of course there was a lot of food involved. But I am convinced we could do this thing with crackers and water and still be just as blessed.

Our current series is on the "One anothers" in scripture, so we had a contest to see who would use the number one most creatively in their dress. Hannah used Uno cards, and Caleb went with the "Bear one anothers burdens" idea. Chuck tried to use applause to judge, but ended up giving them the Sonic gift card & telling them to share it. Hmmmm....
Amelia Lancaster was one of the few who had the courage to stand up and say in three words only what she likes about Northbrook. Even at 9 years old, her church is her "family in Christ". How cool is that?
After a time of worship, Tim Wheat, who was Northbrook's first paid pastor, gave an encouraging and challenging message. It was neat to me that he kept referring to Northbrook and the things that "we" are doing. I love that former Northbrookers still refer to their relationship with this church family in the present tense. Even when they have moved on to other ministries, they still feel a sense of ownership and belonging.
Then we sang the song that our current pastor, Chuck, wrote for Northbrook. I can't ever sing this song without tears, because never have I been in a church where the words are so true.


This fall we have added three men to our Pastoral Leadership Team. Tonight we had a chance to pray for and dedicate Larry Butler, Wayne Rushing and Jason Brooks. They are all wonderful, Godly men who I know will serve Northbrook well.


Like I mentioned earlier, membership is not something we take lightly at Northbrook. We have to take time to ask ourselves every year, "Am I willing to be held to Biblical standards by this group of people, even when it's not comfortable?" "Am I willing to commit to regular attendance at large and small group gatherings?" "Am I willing to uphold the unity of my church, speak positively and pray for her leaders?" "Am I willing to give sacrificially of myself, my time and my resources to support the ministry of this church?" "Am I willing to serve these people and alongside them in fulfilling the great commission in our church, our community and our world?"
These are questions we have to answer before signing the covenant for another year. If the answer to any of these questions is no, we also provide a regular attender card that communicates a desire to be part of the fellowship without being able to be a fully committed member. I love the moment where everyone signs their cards together. It is a feeling of being a part of something so much bigger than myself, yet intimate and personal at the same time.
My heart breaks for people who leave a fellowship of believers because it is too hard or personal, because it challenges their comfort level, because it asks more of them than what they are right now. Being a part of a church like Northbrook is hard. It asks a lot of us. But God's standards are high, and I am so very thankful for a church that does it's best to live up to them, challenges it's members to do the same, and isn't afraid to admit mistakes. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

Nothing Makes Us So Lonely As Our Secrets

The past few weeks have been very hard. I've been carrying some pretty heavy stuff, and, as the title of this entry (which is a quote from a guy named Paul Tournier) says, that stuff that we carry in secret really does make us lonely. Today I am home alone cleaning my house in preparation for my family's visit next weekend. Alone-ness feeds loneliness as well. Obviously, this could have been a set up for a really bad day. But God had other plans.

Last week a special friend gave me an early Christmas present-a DVD with winter scenes set to Christmas music. I love gifts like that. She thought enough about me to know that my heart was needing a little bit of home. Our schedule has been so crazy that I have not had a chance to watch it until this morning, so I put it in while I was folding clothes. It was like the Lord just wrapped His arms around me and reminded me that he is my Daddy. In those pictures of cold, lonely places all covered in white, He reminded me that there is immeasurable beauty and living water flowing freely in his presence. All the time.

For the first time in a while I was able to crawl into His lap and just cry everything out. I could tell Him how I felt, where I've failed and what I need. Really need. All of the things that there are no words for, no ways to communicate so that people will understand, the things that are so deep inside that I don't understand them myself-they all came out of my heart to His. As He says in Romans 8:26-27, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." I am so thankful that my Daddy knows my heart so much better than I do, and that His Spirit prays for me and through me when I just can't do it myself. And, in this moment, I find myself much less alone.

Square Peg, Round Hole

I usually think about things until I have them figured out and then post the questions with my conclusion(s). But there is something that is on my mind all the time, and I have no conclusions. So, I decided to throw out the thoughts and see if any of you have anything to add and/or a solution to the problem: The Square Peg, Round Hole Dilemma. I feel like this most of the time, and, after talking to others, realize that I am not nearly the only one who does.

I have spent time in a lot of places, and have enjoyed almost all of them for different reasons. Out of all those places, though, there are only two that felt like "home". You know. The place where you are totally free to be yourself, no inhibitions, completely comfortable. The weird thing is, I have never actually LIVED in either of these places. They have never been my real home. I shared that with a friend one time who asked why I felt more comfortable in these places. I told him that I felt more like me when I was there. That offended him, because he wanted to know why I wasn't being me here. It is so hard to explain that I am not faking anything or pretending to be someone I am not. Who I am all the time is really part of me. Nothing fake. It's just not ALL of me.

And then, like those places, there are certain people who feel like "home". These are the people, whether you have known them a lifetime or just a little while, who make you feel safe enough to be totally who you are. I have a couple of these people, with whom I feel like I could say anything, do anything, feel anything, and everything would be ok.

The real magic happens when you put those people and places together, and all of your walls come down. That is when your heart soars. You feel totally, completely free. You smile and laugh with everything in you. You cry honest, deep, intimate tears. You feel safer than you have ever felt, and you know what it means to be fully alive. The hole is no longer round, but square, and you fit perfectly.

So what is it that makes the difference? Why don't we feel free wherever we are? Why do we have such a hard time letting all of us come out when we are with people we know love and care about us? What holds us back? What exactly is it that sets us free? And the Jesus answer doesn't count this time, because He is just as much a part of all of our places and relationships-limited and free. So, what do you think?

The Gift of Grace

I learn so many things from my kids. This week, Jadon has taught me about grace. His school has a card system for behavior. They start out on purple. The idea is to stay there all day by having good behavior. Ian & Lynnea never had a problem with this. Jadon is another story. Many days he comes home on green, having had to pull just one card, and almost always for talking. This is the child who thinks that if something comes into his mind, it must come out of his mouth immediately, regardless of what else is going on.

The past couple of weeks have been pretty rough for him. Two days he's had to pull two cards, and one day he had to pull three. That was a bad day. A really bad day. He got in the car in tears and handed me the note from his teacher, which included a list of his transgressions for the day. Talking I can deal with, but bad behavior is a totally different story. He curled up in his seat and said, through lots of tears, "I really didn't like today at all, Mommy." From the front seat I held up the list facing him and said, "Is there anything on this list that is anyone else's fault but yours?" He said no. So I said, pretty sarcastically I have to admit, "Well, if you want to have a better day, make better choices!" I was a bit too angry to punish him this time, so we waited til Daddy came home. He has a bit more of a level head than me.

The next morning about 6 AM, Jadon crawled into bed with me. He wrapped those little arms around my neck and whispered, "I love you, Mommy" just before he fell back asleep. I cuddled him close and prayed for him, all traces of anger and frustration gone. I couldn't help but be reminded of how God deals with us in our sin. Our sin breaks His heart, and He allows us to suffer the consequences for it. But He also freely forgives, extends grace, and restores us to walk with Him again. And He does it over and over. I am so grateful for a Daddy whose lap is always open when I need to cry, ask forgiveness and be restored in grace. And I am grateful for the children He has given to remind me of His character.

Wisdom and Words

This is a devotion I got this morning from Christine Wyrtzen at Daughters of Promise. I wanted to share it, because it is so relevant to things I know many of you are thinking about right now.

ONE WHO FIGHTS; ONE WHO FLEES

And take not the word of truth utterly out of my mouth, for my hope is in your rules. Psalm 119:43

The Psalmist fears that when any given situation arises, the wisdom of the kingdom, born of the Word and the Spirit, will be absent from his tongue. The word of heaven is one of precision and strategy; a word that is characterized by either a gentle rain for a parched situation or a bolt of lightening that strikes in a firestorm. It is clarifying, it is corrective, it is healing, and it always causes the kingdom to intersect with the world.

Just because one is talkative and witty doesn't mean that God's Word is on their tongue. Just because one is on the quiet side and speaks thoughtfully doesn't mean their speech is heaven sent either. Both are derived from the bent of the natural man.

Take two children, put them in the same home, and when adults fail them, both children can respond differently. One is perceptive enough to realize that the failure is outside of himself. He turns into a fighter. Words will be plentiful and will become his sword. He will spend a lifetime trying to right injustice and set the world right. He argues well and is used to winning verbal skirmishes. The other child internalizes the pain and believes the problem is within himself. He was failed by the adults because he deserved it somehow. This child loses words and turns the sword on himself. He grows up to withhold his insights. People, even family, fail to know what he really thinks because, though he has many thoughts and observations, he rarely speaks them.

Only God can heal the angry adult child. Only God can heal the self-condemning, fearful adult child. Without God's intervention, the first adult will continue to have words, but they will be words born of his anger. And, without God's intervention, the second adult will keep his mouth shut when words are necessary.

To have God's words on my tongue - words of strategic kingdom importance - I must abandon all personal agendas whether I am one with a need for personal justice or I am the one with a need for validation. I must abdicate my right to fight or to be silent. My mouth is God's mouth - ready to speak HIS word, HIS wisdom, on HIS timetable.

So, what makes a spokesman and an ambassador of heaven? One who has been taken to the wilderness at some point in his life to understand how he has learned to adapt to the pain in his life. God gives him the self-awareness to know if he is one who fights or one who flees. Either way, healing is needed. Either way, words must be re-born of the Spirit.

How am I to use my mouth today? When I would normally speak, is God asking me to be silent instead? When I would normally retreat in fear of speaking, is God asking me to open my mouth? The life of the true disciple is to weigh such matters, search the heart of God, and yield every member of his body, including his tongue, to the yoke of Jesus.

As one who loses words, I ask You to fill my mouth with Yours. Amen

Itching Ears

Today was quite the day. In fact, as I sit here and replay it in my mind, it was more like 4 different days rather than just one. Looking back, though, the theme of sin, accountability, grace & truth permeated all of it. In just this one day I have experienced all of those things, and seen them rejected as well.

Tonight at our ladies Bible study we were discussing obedience and disobedience. Obedience to God and His word brings freedom, blessing, grace, love, opportunity, warning, health and many other things. Those are the good things God wants to give us and lavishly bestows when we obey His commands. Yet still we disobey so often. We think we have a better plan, or maybe just want to compromise with God. Sometimes, like a little child we stomp our foot and demand our own way. And sometimes we just don't want to. It's too hard, requires too much, or asks us to give up what we hold on to so tightly, even if that very thing is sucking the life out of us.

Part of our responsibility as Christians is to hold each other accountable to obedience, to help each other out when we fall, and to restore relationships with God and other people. Yet, in our disobedience, even those of us who are supposed to know better reject this gift of help and grace & truth from the people around us.

2 Timothy 4:1-5 says, "In the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who will judge the living and the dead, and in view of his appearing and his kingdom, I give you this charge: Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage—with great patience and careful instruction. For the time will come when men will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear. They will turn their ears away from the truth and turn aside to myths. But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry."

This is talking about people who have heard and believed sound doctrine, but are no longer willing to listen to or obey it as truth. They surround themselves with people who will support and reinforce what they WANT to be truth rather than what actually IS truth. And lest we think we are immune from this temptation, remember: Paul had to tell Timothy, "BUT YOU, keep your head in all situations..."

The only way to recognize the false is to study and know the truth. Even the government and banks know this. They don't train employees to recognize counterfeit bills by showing them counterfeit bills. They make them study real money so much that they can spot a counterfeit a mile away. Protect yourself. Study God's Word. Surround yourself with people who love Him, love you, and will help steer you back on track when you wander off.

Tonight we talked about two cycles. The cycle of disobedience is this: we disobey, our hearts begin to harden, and we no longer want to obey. The cycle of obedience is the opposite: We obey, we reap the blessing of being closer to God & knowing Him better, we love Him more, and then we want to obey. Examine your life honestly. Which cycle are you rolling around in, and is that really where you want to be?

Women of Faith

So I was trying to think of something to blog about since I have, once again, been very lax. I had a request for a Women of Faith update (why didn't I think of that?), so here goes. Last weekend I was blessed to be able to fly home to attend the conference with my best friend from college and one of her good friends, who now lives in Kansas City. This was not one of those real emotional, conference high kinds of weekends. But that in and of itself was pretty cool for me. I will explain as I share some of the highlights.

Sandi Patty said "venting can make you feel better, but venting is not the same as healing." How often do we think that just spouting off everything that enters our mind is actually helpful. It's not. All that does is clear off the top so that we can fill it up with more stuff until the next time we blow. We have to deal with the root of our hurt before we can ever hope to stop spewing our stuff all over everybody. Those are my thoughts on her statement, but you get the point.

Marilyn Meberg said a lot, but the one thing that touched my heart most from the whole weekend was when she said, "Nobody can tell you how long it's appropriate to grieve anything." I could have left at that point having heard all I needed to hear. I have been criticized by well meaning friends and told to stop thinking about and hurting over a particular loss in my life-as if not talking about it would simply make it go away. Only God knows how deep our grief over anything goes, and He is patient enough to walk with us through the entire grieving process.

And here's a funny from Patsy Clairmont (I can only hope I'm as cute as her when I grow up!)- "I knew I was directionally gifted, but I never knew I was bossy!" :o)

Weirdly, my favorite speaker this time was Rick Stearns, CEO of World Vision. I expected his talk to be all about trying to get us to sponsor a child. Instead, he challenged us to really look at the things we pretend not to be aware of and see how God may want to use us. His two main points were 1) God expects one thing from us: everything! and 2) When you are asked the question, "Are you willing to be open to God's will for your life?" What that really means is: Are you willing to give up your job, career, salary? Are you willing to leave your home, family & friends? Are you willing to enter the pain & suffering for Jesus' sake? Those are not easy questions, but ones we must ask and answer if we are to fulfill all that the Lord has for us.

Sheila Walsh said, "Forgiveness is God's gift to us to live in a world that isn't fair." We can never understand why people do what they do, why bad things are allowed to happen, why good things are allowed to happen to those we see as bad, etc. But when we allow God to forgive through us, we are freed from needing the answers to those questions. We can live freely in His love, and the peace that passes understanding. It truly is a gift.

Lisa Whelchel also said something that was very pertinent to where I have been the last 12 years. She said that, when God spoke to her about the protective walls she had erected as a child star alone in Hollywood, He said, "I'm not mad at you for building those walls. But it's safe to come out now."

All of those things, as well as the other speakers and the music, were really cool for me to experience. The greatest thing for me, though, was not what happened at the conference, but what the Lord revealed in my spirit that He had already done in me. During Sheila Walsh's beautiful rendition of Amazing Grace, He said to me, "Relax. Enjoy. We have done a lot of work, and it is ok to rest in being on the other side." I know there is a lot more work to be done in my heart and life, but the fact that God has done so much and brought me so far, and that He wants me to enjoy that, was wonderful for my heart and spirit.

Another thing He did for me on this trip was to introduce me to a wonderful brother and sister in Him. He showed me in a very real way how His Spirit knits us together as His family, whether our paths cross for a moment or a lifetime. That connection is a perfect encouragement and bond that cannot be broken. I will always remember these two new friends who touched my life at just the right time.